Home > Meet the Authors > S.L. Varnado

       I am a retired college professor. I taught English Literature for 30 years at the University of South Alabama in Mobile. During this time I put hundreds of students to sleep. If I had been an anesthesiologist, I would have made a fortune. I am married and have six kids--in other words I am a papa (that is pronounced "pauper?") Politically speaking, I am schizophrenic: a Democrat who votes Republican Party. I do not have much use for politicians, however. The average man thinks twice before lying. The average politician lies twice before thinking.
       I was born in the quaint little town of Hammond, Louisiana on October 18, 1929--the year the Depression hit Wall Street. Although only an infant at the time, I screamed and howled as loudly as any investor. Fortunately, there were no suicides in Hammond. No one sprang to death from a high buiilding since the tallest structure in town was only two stories tall. My father ran a grocery store and, as a result of the Depression, had to take bankruptcy. That was no problem, however, ince everybody else in town took bankruptcy. It would have been disgraceful if father had not done so.
       Against my best advice, my parents named me Seaborn. This name has been the curse of my life. Through the years people have taunted me with names like Airborne, Urban, Stillborn, etc. True enough, Shakespeare said: "What's in a name?" But Shakespeare's first name wasn't Seaborn!
       Growing old has been one of the most pleasant events in my of my life thus far. When you grow old people treat you respectfully even if they don't take you seriously.
       Dying is like going to the Dentist. You know you've got to go, but you put it off as long as you can. That's where religion comes in. It prepares you for the next life. It's what military men call an "exit strategy."